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 Self-love is pure—I think about both of my babies smiling at their own reflections, reaching for themselves in the mirror. We want children to love themselves. There is an entire girl-power industrial complex built upon it. But loving yourself is an entirely different, far trickier business for grown women. “We beg women to love themselves, to have more self-respect, to stand up for themselves at work, to ask for what they need and want,” Gala Darling, author of Radical Self-Love: A Guide To Loving Yourself And Living Your Dreams, told me. “But then we tell confident women to calm down.”

When society consistently devalues, abuses, underpays, and suppresses women—especially women of color; when there are multiple industries depending on women never seeing themselves as enough, self-love is practically an act of resistance. “Our culture is so predicated on diminishing women and preying on our self-esteem, and so it’s quite a radical act—and it’s almost like a mini protest—to love yourself in a society that’s always telling you you’re not the right weight, you’re not the right color,” Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said in a Vogue beauty video last year.

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