Thorshirts – Everything Black Juneteenth 1865 I Am The Change I Want To See T-Shirt

I told the story to a roommate that fall, back in college. She was quiet as I talked, her eyebrows drawing together into a frown. Jerry had just emailed me a flirtatious message, and when my reply was uninviting, he called me a bitch. I told the whole thing through a Get this! lens that invited her to laugh as well, although she still looked uneasy. She asked how it ended, that encounter in his room. I said that I’d made a joke out of it, given him a kiss on the cheek and walked out, and that I hadn’t thought of it again until his ridiculous email.

And then I felt a hot wave of shame, because this is not quite what happened. I was clumsy, caught off-guard, and when Jerry stepped in front of me and locked the door, something that I didn’t know was in me sharpened itself into pure intention. I looked him in the eyes and told him to step aside. I was not used to taking myself seriously back then, but in that moment, I spoke with the authority of a man. And, for whatever reason—among them, perhaps, the fact that neither authority nor unwillingness were turn-ons for him—he did indeed step aside. And I—for his ease, his pleasure—I turned it into a joke; his pride was salved; he held onto a version of the story where he still felt good about himself. The part I didn’t say to my roommate is that I swallowed my alarm and anger for someone else’s comfort. And the part I didn’t yet know is that making this choice—again and again, day by day and then year by year—comes with a price tag that is increasingly steep.

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